I don't know myself anymore

Question

i don't know where to start it is so complicated it's been 6 years now and my condition is getting worste everytime , my doctor said that I'm bipolar and yeah that explains my mood swings , nakel fl vanicore /amictal and exomile narte7 kif nakel dwe ama famesh ta7ason , mn barra ma yben chy ama it's all in my head , wallit ma3adsh n3rf netkalm wala nog3d m3a abed , even my family and my partner nhar lkol net3ark m3ahom and i don't know how i express myself, my feelings.. ay 3abd andah hmouah f dnya hedhy ama fama aka l pause li takhedh''ha 7ata tetsan3 dhe7ka tansa 7ata seconda , 7ata mn my partner mn kothr negativity mta3i fad w omi zeda ma ygouloulich ama ane n3rf . ama ma n3fch ane chbya aleh ane heka, kifeh netsarf ma nafhmch ro7i chnou n7eb chnou ma n7ebch , I'm thinking about suicide all the time i even did it twice and am still thinking, ma n7ebch ne7kilhom besh ma yzidouch yetcheghlou alaya , am not playing the victim role but i wanna know why i am like this ... why i hate Living but damn I wanna live so much and create that life I'm always d

Dr Amira BELKHIRIA · Accepted Answer

Bipolar disorder affects every aspects of life not only the feelings or the mood , not only the cognitions ,but  also the relationships the vision of life , the concentration , and also the perception from the other side ( partners family, fiends)  but it’s prognosis is no longer like before especially because the professionals know it better and can adjust medications and  also now there is new therapies : not chemicals , that improves the self image , the concentration of the patient , 
what you are describing is hard to live every day , for sure , but you said that you have dreams you want to achieve , you can do it through a good collaboration with your doctor , a better understanding of your disease , and a work on your cognitive skills ( your doctor can help you or suggest to you a professional)   
also don’t hesitate to consult PSy ER when the suicidal thoughts increase , care facilities are available so don’t hesitate

I don't know myself anymore

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